Electric Velocipede Winter 2008

Late last year John Klima’s fanzine Electric Velocipede partnered with Night Shade Books to have that publisher handle their subscriptions. The announcement came with a deal: subscribe for a year for $20 and get two Night Shade books at no extra charge. I took the deal primarily to get the books at such a great price. At list price, two of their books will run a person anywhere from $25 to $45. I was sort of interested in Electric Velocipede because it has such a cool name.

Notice that I put fanzine in quotes in the previous paragraph? Electric Velocipede won the Hugo for Best Fanzine last month. Electric Velocipede definitely has its roots in fanzine-dom. But I put the word in quotes for one simple reason: the first issue I’ve read of this magazine was better than any other single issue from a fiction magazine that I’ve ever read. Admittedly, I’m not a subscriber to any (well, before this), so I don’t see a lot of them. A lot of the reason why I don’t subscribe or seek out magazines is that they are so hit or miss for me. Hell, even the Year’s Best anthologies usually are a crap shoot for me as far as individual stories go. But this, this was awesome! I’d read this over any other source of short stories any day.

My only complaint? There’s so much in it that the type and margins were small so everything would fit. I had to wear my glasses to alleviate eye strain. On the other hand, I think my glasses make me look more intelligent and cooler.

But before I get into the stories, my comments about the cover. Awesome! S.F. publishers, please start hiring Thom Davidsohn more instead of some of the more over-used S.F. artists. Okay, I’m a sucker for heavy-with-the-black drawings (I even got a heavy-with-the-black King Rat tattoo). Nevertheless, the simplicity of the cover art stands in marked contrast to the busyness that seems to permeate a lot of S.F. artwork. More please.

Also, my apologies to the S.F. poets in this issue. As I usually have to note, I don’t get poetry. It’s not that I hate poetry; I just don’t have the slightest clue what it is I am looking at. It looks like higher math to me. So, no commentary on the numerous poems found herein. Maybe one of these days I’ll look online to see if there’s anything I can find that will impart some poetry appreciation.

Strains of the Lost Oktober by Darren Speegle

Laila conducts a ferry transporting orphans to an orphanage. On her last run, an addition to her boat enslaves himself to robber barons so that the ferry may reach its destination and Laila can retire. The story wasn’t really my kind of story. A little too over-involved and mysterious for my taste.

She Wore a Yellow Ribbon by Michelle Muenzler

Short short (eleven paragraphs) that packed a lot of punch. Because it’s so short I don’t know how to give any kind of synopsis about it. It’s a revenge story, but one devoid of anger. Instead, I felt sadness and melancholy, which is not what I would expect from revenge.

Unreal Estate by Sheila Crosby

Ada Crinch wants to evict Grace McCloud in order to sell her house and hires Colin Matlock to do her dirty work. Despite his obvious sympathies for Ms. McCloud, Matlock needs the commission. Complication: Grace McCloud might be a witch. Fun story, with a little bit of a revenge substratum. Colin Matlock character makes the story with his easily imaginable uncomfortableness.

The Oldest Man on Earth by Patrick O’Leary

In the future, humans are dying off and robots are much of the population of human space. The oldest man on Earth, 600 year old Leroy, lives in a zoo which sounds more like a pet store than a zoo for some past indiscretion. A customer wants to buy his freedom, but Leroy doesn’t want to go. It could have been something like what I read in news items every few weeks: prisoner doesn’t really know how to cope with the real world and commits crimes so that he can live in the rigidly structured life inside the walls. That would have bored me. Leroy’s motivations are much more well thought out and cynical. That attitude makes the story.

Detours by Catherine Dybiec Holm

An interesting story where the protagonist sees lines and connections about the present and future. Kind of a spidey-sense. Earlier this year I experienced a date with a woman who started seeing signs and numbers in the middle of our evening. My date had a psychotic break. In a story it can really mean something.

The Floating Order by Erin Pringle

Kitty-corner from my apartment lives a man who sees demons. I’ve often wondered what it’s like to experience mental illness. The Floating Order is what I picture it’s like in my head. Perhaps it’s nothing like reality, but I don’t care.

Destroyer of Worlds by Claude Lalumière

Town pariah and comic book enthusiast watches a woman commit suicide in a poisoned ocean. Then a massive storm lays waste to the town and days later the woman walks back out of the ocean. Shockingly, these events mirror the plot in a long lost set of comics by our protagonist’s favorite comic book writer. A really good story that I dug quite a bit, though I did feel like the character’s motivations were a little lacking in a couple of places. His intentions changed a little too abruptly at the end, but that abruptness is only lacking in explanation not plausibility.

Partita For Continuo by Michael Neal Morris

Two page story about a guy who’s wife is in an institution. A mood story that didn’t really set the mood for me.

Timesink by William Shunn

Story explores another idea with regard to relativistic time travel. But rather than a near light speed traveler returning to be younger than his peers, the whole universe ages slower than some people. One of those fun what-if-this-was-really-true explorations of the implications of a pseudo-scientific idea. Middle of the road in relation to other stories of that ilk, in my opinion.

The Devil Wears Combat Boots by Leslie Claire Walker

An anti-love story that uses cloning (of a sort) to set itself up. The recreate my loved ones by cloning them trope feels like it’s been done to death to me and this story doesn’t really add anything to that. But it does have a great character in Jess and it’s a pretty good story of trying to live up to someone else’s expectations. Also, everyone knows I’m a sucker for a woman in boots.

Sallie’s Price by Terry Bramlett

Movie and story characters, listen up! By now y’all should have read enough stories and watched enough movies yourselves to know that it’s not a good idea to make a deal with the devil, particular one where the price is to be named later.

Season of the Long Now by Robert J. Howe

A genie appears and grants you a wish; what will it be? Readers already know that there is probably an unintended consequence to that wish. Fastest man in the world, but you can’t compete because you outclass everyone by so much and so it isn’t quite the victory you thought it would be. That sort of thing. Barney finds this out. His greatest wish is to be with his dead wife, and so he sacrifices to the goddess Larsemonius Shantamelle to be taken to the land of the dead. Despite the goddess’ warnings that there is no joy there, he begs for the favor. What happens is pretty predictable. But, as with other stories in this issue that use common tropes, I still liked the story. This time it’s the setting I loved. It’s a vaguely urban locale that’s analogous to New York City. The land of the dead lies on the other side of the Hudson, which carries the cold, bitter grief of Native Americans and is thus uncrossable. Both the mythology and the landscape were quite intriguing.

The Tree Reader by Timothy Mulcahy

Ricky Mulligan tilts at windmills, according to Malcom Reardon, the strange man he meets in the park who seems to know a whole lot more about him than he does himself. Of course, Ricky is a teenager and we all think we’re pretty damn unique when we’re that age. Ricky’s got a lot of expectations placed on him to act like his no-good grandfather, a convicted and executed murderer, a reputation he expects never to live down. Expectations he has himself, though he doesn’t actually know anything about his grandfather. There’s a moral here and it’s a good one. I’m not so sure about reaching it almost exclusively through dialogue in this case.

Trades by Olivia V. Ambrogio

According to the Internet, this is a retelling of the Brothers Grimm Six Swans. I’m not familiar with that story, however. Six brothers of Marta are cursed when, in an attempt to save Marta at childbirth, they are rude to the town witch doctor who doesn’t respond as quickly as they would like and curses them to a life as geese instead. Kay Swanson, ornithologist and occult researcher, comes to town and Marta gets her to find a counter-curse, which will require years of dedication to fulfill. While the story was pretty decent as it went along, it lacked punch in the ending. I don’t know how much of each is due to Amrogio and how much the Grimms are resonsible.

The Dragon’s Tears by Aliette de Bodard

Huan Ho’s mother is sick, and his only hope is steal Dragon’s Tears from three legendary supernatural riders. Once a year they ride around the world, taking lives and other valuables for fickle reasons no one really knows. While about riding, Huan sneaks into their lair to find the Dragon’s Tears. But a dragon’s hoard is vast and not so quick to search through and Huan must be done before the riders return. I liked this story, though I can’t pinpoint why.

A Plague of Banjos by Jayme Lynn Blaschke

After God rains down ten plagues on the Eqyptions for not allowing the Israelites to return to their homeland, the Pharaoh still refuses to let them go. Moses promises another, even worse, plague. A plague of banjos! Definitely plays on southern stereotypes, but I have less sympathy for oppressed southerners than I do for other groups. The story is funny. So funny I read the second half aloud to a friend.

A Doom of My Own by Alistair Rennie

So there’s an agent of doom. I was never quite sure who he really was an agent for, but it didn’t affect my enjoyment of the story. Well, he’s an agent of the Laird, who seems displeased with him, but I don’t know who or what the Laird is or is supposed to be. But, like I said, I didn’t really care that much. His job is something of an avenging angel, only he works behind the scenes to engineer war and destruction through means that appear innocuous. His own doom is somewhat innocuous, though I suppose only because he’s a god-like being himself.

Notes on the Dissection of an Imaginary Beetle by Jonathan Wood

Go read this story. I don’t want to describe it. Just read it. I thought of Russell Banks The Relation of My Imprisonment while reading the story. The stories themselves are not alike. But the aesthetic is. Take an old-timey kind of thing (in this case a medical student examination) and give it a twist (or ten) in a direction that you would never expect but that seems so natural once it’s been done. Put this in a Year’s Best anthology somewhere, won’t someone?

Child of Scorn by Corey Brown

Time travel. Time travel investigator whose job is to go back in time and stop people who are about to mess up the future. The mission this time is to stop a midwest college professor from messing up Greek history. But when our investigator arrives he finds that the professor has usurped Alexander the Great’s spot and replaced him. So it’s too late. And then things get even more complicated. There’s not really any new ideas on the time travel theme here, but I’d have been surprised if there were. Fun read though just on the the plot.

Two Coins by Alex Dally Macfarlane

I did not get this piece. I liked it for the repeated use of a phrase to start every other paragraph. The girl with keyboard ink on her hands … Keyboard ink. That gets on a person’s hands. I love the sound of that and the image it brings to mind. Ink-stained wretches in a computer age. Even without understanding anything else, I’m a fan.

Sitting Round the Stewpot by Patricia Russo

Weird world, kinda post-apocalyptic, but perhaps it’s a fantasy world. I’m not sure. The dogs and women have all left. Or at least the women who live with the protagonist have. Neither dogs nor women were treated well. The boy takes care of his grandfather, who I love as a character. Russo did a great job making someone I can hate. The story also puts two morals at odds: respect for elders and treating people well. The issue ended with something I liked.

Three stories on the negative side is all, and none that I thought were really bad. Quite a few outstanding stories, with Notes on the Dissection of an Imaginary Beetle being the obvious standout in the issue. Short of something really going wrong with the next issue, I’ll be renewing my subscription.

Title: Electric Velocipede
Issue: Winter 2008 (15/16 double issue)
Editor: John Klima
Cover creator: Thom Davidsohn
Length: 164 p.
Publication date: December 2008